Peculiar Girl vs. Sanity
I'd recommend gloves and a gas mask
Monday, April 24, 2017
Unstable thoughts
Sunday, April 23, 2017
My adult heart ache
Like he said, we were both similar and opposites all at the same time. He pulled at my inner child. He encouraged my weird. Which has been hidden from those that have walts into my life for the past ten years. He inspired a different magnitude of excitement and it was beautiful.
He made me smile with his stupid adorable humour. He made me want to put aside my pride and break down my walls.
He made me fall and fly all at the same time.
And just like that, it was over before it began. And I'm angry? Sad? Heartbroken. All mixed in like a painful disease that I want cured.
We weren't ready for each other, he felt. Of course I digressed. But I knew screaming and shouting it would be useless.
He said maybe down the line, once we've fixed ourselves. He didn't understand I wanted him, imperfections and all. But I also understood that he wanted to preserve what could have been. And that destroyed me.
I'm not going to lie. It's been ages since I've cried over someone. Let alone never cried over someone I didn't get to have. Stupid right? Yeah. I thought so too.
So here is me venting, trying to get back to my numb and meaningless ways. Wish me luck.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
The next phase
I have surpassed various significant stages to enter into this phase. A new unexplored and unexpected phase of adulthood. I am carrying a life inside my very own being. This life is a body completely separate from mine yet within me, growing, being sheltered, being loved, being provided for. This is the easiest step (pregnancy) of the whole adjustment of becoming responsible for another life, that's what I believe at least. I mean it hasn't been a walk in the park, with all the physical, emotional, mental changes that bombarded me, in what felt like a month, but rather has been taking place in the past 7 months, non-stop.
My baby is nearing the completion of the first part of his journey and myself and those that love and support me are excited and antsy to meet him.
I have finally decided on a name, Hunter. Unfortunately, I am alone in this when it. comes to his parenting, he will not have a father present. His father feels he is an accident, and regrets Hunter's existence so I have chosen to raise him on my own. I have been challenged several times by the sperm doner, regarding his rights to being Hunter's father. But as far as his fatherhood goes, he's still living like he's. 16, despite already having two offspring from a previous relationship.
I don't think I am screwed, I could have been a better judge of character but unfortunately I wasn't and I know my life is good to change forever, and I've been told it's one of the hardest things to experience, but I know my strength, and I know all of the changes in my life and priorities are going to orbit my little one.
And I am glad it's for a reason like him.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
I have been lost
Sunday, March 24, 2013
The monster within
What sucks is, we've even gotten closer than we were these past few months, which I didn't think was possible.
How will I say bye and let her leave.? I understand at some point in our life it was bound to happen but... I never thought it would be instantly.
It's not like I'm envious, I'm genuinely happy for her that things are starting to click for her and she is starting to find and develop the person she wants to become. Bah. I don't want my emotions to shut down, though it has already begun. I hate feeling numb. Considering my emotions recently motivate me.
Writing always helped get this mind puke out... Always allows me to structure my thoughts coherently enough for me to understand them... Hence why this is the first thing I decided to do this beautiful morning, cigarette in hand... Tea by my side.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Canadian Bucket List
-Ice skating
-Snowboarding
-Paintball
-Lazer tag
-
I've been pre-occupied in adjusting, working, being a broke student and living...
Sunday, February 3, 2013
When do you give in?
To your sins
To the emptiness within.
To make it stop
To not give up
To find a good mistake.
For the nonsense
For it all.
Living in ignorance
With no significant importance.