Received Closure

I've overcome the shock, and accepting stages, right now it's indifference towards the whole thing. What had to be done was done, although he kept pleading for friendship. 'Tis a hard thing to acquire after the ordeal, nor would I be interested in such since it would be of no benefit to me. He claimed it was an act of hate and lack of care, on the contra-ire, it is a middle ground for both of us. I said my farewell, he wouldn't do his.

Its been a month and a half ... biological clock, quit fu*king with me.

All this ending feels so peaceful, I can feel the exhaustion finally settle into hunger for sleep. 6am arguments were harsh to my schedule.

Side note: why remain anonymous?

...

Is it not funny, that those who love him, and want to see him happy...

are what keeps him away from what truly does, ah pride.

I hope you figure your stuff out. I'm sorry I wouldn't succumb to your demands.

It's extremely hard to let go...

Even though I've done everything I could to fuck things up for good. Initially trying to save it did not make a difference, I realize all he wanted from me was ignorance. This is the hardest battle of life. I can't even focus on school or reading, or television, or my own health.

Maybe I need to follow through with everyone's advice and fu*k the pain away? Penny for your thoughts....

F*ck You

I'm not going to be your fucking blow up doll.
I have more self respect then what you want to put me through.
So, Fuck you.
I'm sorry that you were worth way more to me
But I deserve better, and I can definitely get better.

Suicide: My cowardly way out.

I've tried it at the age of 10, again at 12.

I failed each time obviously.

I'm doing my homework about overdosing on drugs...I'm having a hard time finding anything helpful. Any one have any input?
I've always known this to be my way out. I want to make sure this time when I try it, it'll work 110%.

I'd be glad to be a "victim" to a murder. If anyone's interested. As long as I can be high/intoxicated whatever. Numb and in a dreamish world, at least to feel out of this world during the time of death.

Voice in my head #1

The confliction of two puzzle pieces that once fit

Fell apart and the floor they hit.

To mend them then did not seem fit.

The pieces were ignored for nights and days in turn

Growing weary from the impact acquired

They’ve chipped off corners that each other desired.

The void piece A feels within itself is complex.

Although they seem to believe it’s for the best.

Then a bird comes by and drops a note.

The note is read aloud,

“Be thankful and proud, what wasn’t meant to be by destiny will perish within its time, no matter how vital the piece seemed. Move forward forever striving for a new piece will come in healing time.”