A Siren's Lullaby

Your call dost beseech my stay,

It dost me blind.

In clamant searching of sight,

I'm lost.

Despite this telescopic lens of mine.

My dreams are frequented by lullabies,

Frequented by nectarous wails.

The songs of pain and sorrowful woes.

The wails of feverish stains.

Upon which thy leave no soulful men,

Upon which thy leave no comfort.

What I doth not see, from the watcher's eye

Is an unintended fate,

Your birth right to nurture endless doom,

To all these loving eyes.

Overtime

I run and hide, 
She ran and hid.

I've lost myself,
She's lost herself.

It's all but gone,
She's all but gone.

I can't move on,
She's stuck in place.

I've lost myself,
She's fallen from grace.

I'm running.
She's hiding.

I'm searching,
She's lost.

I'm losing her.
She's gone.

I'm stuck here alone,
She is no more.

The contents of Summer 2012...so far

• Concert virginity is lost
• Broken Hearted
• Healed Heart
• Broken home-life
• Placement achieved
• Met new people (Yay! fighting my introversion)
• Made-out with stranger x_X
• Went dancing multiple, multiple times
• Got drunk multiple times
• First rave
• First beach rave
• Crunk for 2 days in a row
• Got my first placement
• Got my first 3 As in College
• Boosted GPA *dances*
• Managed 50+ hour work week
• Made amends with the past
• Rekindled relationship with sister
• Lost self-esteem
• Gained Self-esteem
• Met someone special <3 font="font">
• Fell in love again

The end.

Running on Empty

What do you do, when your soul's running on empty.
What do you say, when there's no one to hear you scream.
How do you wake up each morning, when there's nothing to look forward to each day.
How to you stop these tears from running, when all you feel is pain.

Where do you run to, when you have no where to go.
What do you reach for, when you're stuck on your knees.
How do you ask for help, when no one can look past your smile.
How do you get this to end? 

Why does it bother me?

I write to get my thoughts out of my head.
It probably has horrible grammar, and sentence structure.
It probably doesn't make sense to anyone else.
But these are my thoughts that want to get out for me to reread and see in front of me.


So, why does it bother me when people I associate with laugh at the mention of blogs, or diaries, or books that store blurbs, whatever you may like to call it.


On a side note, why am I so friggin' awkward.
I am an awkward person and I am a lonely awkward person.
I have friends, acquaintances, and I think I have figured people out, but I do not have emotional connections with any of these people. I cannot ramble about my being inside and out.
I cannot do the simplistic without getting weird looks.
I am twenty-two years old, and I am still a broke student figuring shit out, while my nineteen year old sister works a full-time job at a kiosk that get's showered with everything she desires by my parents.
Given I have friends, she has acquaintances. I am single, she is still dating someone who's cheated on her 8 times. She gets the car, and I get to use public transit and pay for my own schooling...
Envy...yeah that's what I feel. Envy because she gets to get away with it and I don't. It aggravates me.


Anyway...that's all for my mind puke today... back to organizing my notes.

'Till the day I drop dead

'Till the day I drop dead,
I will not leave pages vacant and unfed.


Distractions will obscure the vision in my head,
Enemies will find time to disrupt,
But 'till the day I do drop dead-
This river will not dry, the pages will not starve.
At least for peace of my own mind, my story will be recorded
and hopefully read.

Lets talk!

Lets talk.

Well more like let my fingers do the talking while your eyes do the reading, and perhaps if persuaded enough by curiosity or your desire to share, you will be speaking in response, with your fingers.

During my absence in this virtual world of thought-sharing, I have come to realize that my occupancy in the whole process of living is distracting myself from the process of recording findings and recording such findings for future or past recollection or reference. After all, one of the affordable ways you can monitor growth and change is through recording events and experience is it not? I find myself doing this less and less, especially with photographs. I've completely cut down on photograph taking in comparison to my last few years, especially in the summertime. 

So a lot has taken place.
I've gone on a few dates, I've met a few great people, and I've regretted meeting some people, then found reason in meeting those people. Haha. I'm still understanding and developing myself. I've realized I'm severely attracted to girls. Big woe.

I have also began to understand the reasons for occurrences far more rapidly.

I'm passionate, I am motivated, I am ecstatic.

I find myself controlling my mentality more. Frequent-idle thoughts can sometimes distract and destroy oneself and it used to be my main enemy. Paranoid thoughts.

I'm just glad I am where I am, and I'm hoping this balance will continue.

I've also found myself searching for peaceful endings.

Peaceful endings as in to friendships, and relationships from the past.

I've retraced my footsteps and attempted to make peace with a lot of these individuals. I still have a few on my mental list... my bestie thinks I'm losing my mind. I think I'm losing my mind for giving a crap... I don't know though, I really don't know. Perhaps I'm trying to clear my conscience? Or my intuition is trying to let me know it's the end of the line for me and I'm dying...

Yes, my brain ALWAYS thinks of crazy sh*t. Sober.

Oh well!