The monster within

I have to remember to write things down or else I forget mind states I  go through, and then when faced with it again, it takes a lot to pull me out.  I don't yet understand the control my mind has over my emotions. Especially with people close to me, whom are very limited. Recently I've had to deal with the decision my little sister,  who has also been my best friend since she was born,  has made of moving to another province in a few months with her new beau. I have no problems with him, and I believe I support her completely since I've helped her plan, think, and break the news about it to my parents. But i think by doing so, it's finally set in. The reality of it all. My mind has been distracting itself constantly with other responsibilities and issues around the house and around my life but is it doing so automatically? Because I don't remember asking it to numb my insides to anything and anyone. And initially, i was unaware of what was wrong with me. I thought for sure medication was the culprit since I've been sick for a couple of weeks. But no, it was more than that. I woke up this morning with  it clicking in my head -  she's leaving in less than a month. I don't get to feel her embrace, or cry to her when she comes home. Or have our regular sessions of tea and cigarettes and a breakdown of the week or days events.
What sucks is, we've even gotten closer than we were these past few months, which I didn't think was possible.
How will I say bye and let her leave.? I understand at some point in our life it was bound to happen but... I never thought it would be instantly.
It's not like I'm envious, I'm genuinely happy for her that things are starting to click for her and she is starting to find and develop the person she wants to become. Bah. I don't want my emotions to shut down, though it has already begun. I hate feeling numb. Considering my emotions recently motivate me.
Writing always helped get this mind puke out... Always allows me to structure my thoughts coherently enough for me to understand them... Hence why this is the first thing I decided to do this beautiful morning, cigarette in hand... Tea by my side.

Canadian Bucket List

I've been in Canada long enough for no excuses to be worth it for not doing any of these activities!!

-Ice skating
-Snowboarding
-Camping
-Paintball
-Lazer tag
-Visiting different provinces

I've been pre-occupied in adjusting, working, being a broke student and living...

When do you give in?

To the void
To your sins
To the emptiness within.

What does it take?
To make it stop
To not give up
To find a good mistake.

Why do I fall?
For the nonsense
For it all.

How do they cope?
Living in ignorance
With no significant importance.

Why does it aggravate me

To see so many solitary.

Complaining and idle.

Sail away

Oh captain, my captain
Where shall we sail today?
Oh captain, my captain
Are we to wander aimlessly, and come what may?

How long will it last,
How long will you be thinking of me?
How long will it be,
Till I'm nothing but a memory?

Short tale..

Dedicated to my friend Zeina

once upon a time.... 

in a far away land.... 

there was a pretty, lovely girl who sold her heart to a very manipulative man. 

He told her things she wanted to hear

he temporary relieved her of all her fears....

But when the time came, 

to prove his worth. 

No action was taken, 

until despair gave birth. 

For all she ever wanted 

was to be loved in exchange, 

to be treated like his queen, 

to be his aim. 

Alas, 

this is but a tale of a lover's demise, 

the consequences of loving full-hearted, 

but with closed eyes.

"Oh, Nothing"

What are you thinking about?

At what point does something that means nothing turn into something important?
Are we aware when such instances are in progress and when they start taking place?

Is it invited? 

Is it expected? 

Is there a chance of being disappointed?

Do we take the risk, just to find the answers?
Or, is it because we're addicted to the emotional rush?

Are your eyes open? 

Can you perceive this?

Do you understand why I'm making you ponder?

The idle belief of don't over-think , don't give it much thought has been pushed, and pushed and pushed

to the point where there no longer is a point. 

Because now, your average thinker no longer thinks.

Those that exercise the mind to destructive extremes feel solitary in their over-thought.

And those that don't think at all fit in with all the idle minds that exist.

Now, is this mindset/belief/lifestyle what triggers the lack of common sense?

Because for the extreme thinkers, common sense is obviously no longer common.

Majority of people no longer think unless the thought process is required to better their self-imploring success to strive and survive in civilization.

My Birthday Wishes... I think they're creative!

May this year serenade you with pleasantries and growth.
May you have more opportunities to orchestrate success consistently.
May your wishes come true. Happy Birthday!

I wish you many smiled filled mornings,
And restful nights.
Never lose your hopeful outlook, and opportunity will always find it's way to you.
I wish you more merriment this year, then your last, and more great things to come, with no bounds. 

My friend who turned 23.

I regret to inform you that you are now nearing an age that is considered the age where most individuals start families, graduate college/university, get married, own their very first car, realize they are $25,000 in debt, and last but not least: realize there's only two more years until they've reached halfway to 50, and a quarter way to 100.
But we both know we're rebels and don't follow the stereotypical timeline of "life" cause that's badass =P

Anyway, my point is, "its not how you live your life - it's how you enjoy it."

Have a splendid birth-anniversary!