Sail away

Oh captain, my captain
Where shall we sail today?
Oh captain, my captain
Are we to wander aimlessly, and come what may?

How long will it last,
How long will you be thinking of me?
How long will it be,
Till I'm nothing but a memory?

Short tale..

Dedicated to my friend Zeina

once upon a time.... 

in a far away land.... 

there was a pretty, lovely girl who sold her heart to a very manipulative man. 

He told her things she wanted to hear

he temporary relieved her of all her fears....

But when the time came, 

to prove his worth. 

No action was taken, 

until despair gave birth. 

For all she ever wanted 

was to be loved in exchange, 

to be treated like his queen, 

to be his aim. 

Alas, 

this is but a tale of a lover's demise, 

the consequences of loving full-hearted, 

but with closed eyes.

"Oh, Nothing"

What are you thinking about?

At what point does something that means nothing turn into something important?
Are we aware when such instances are in progress and when they start taking place?

Is it invited? 

Is it expected? 

Is there a chance of being disappointed?

Do we take the risk, just to find the answers?
Or, is it because we're addicted to the emotional rush?

Are your eyes open? 

Can you perceive this?

Do you understand why I'm making you ponder?

The idle belief of don't over-think , don't give it much thought has been pushed, and pushed and pushed

to the point where there no longer is a point. 

Because now, your average thinker no longer thinks.

Those that exercise the mind to destructive extremes feel solitary in their over-thought.

And those that don't think at all fit in with all the idle minds that exist.

Now, is this mindset/belief/lifestyle what triggers the lack of common sense?

Because for the extreme thinkers, common sense is obviously no longer common.

Majority of people no longer think unless the thought process is required to better their self-imploring success to strive and survive in civilization.

My Birthday Wishes... I think they're creative!

May this year serenade you with pleasantries and growth.
May you have more opportunities to orchestrate success consistently.
May your wishes come true. Happy Birthday!

I wish you many smiled filled mornings,
And restful nights.
Never lose your hopeful outlook, and opportunity will always find it's way to you.
I wish you more merriment this year, then your last, and more great things to come, with no bounds. 

My friend who turned 23.

I regret to inform you that you are now nearing an age that is considered the age where most individuals start families, graduate college/university, get married, own their very first car, realize they are $25,000 in debt, and last but not least: realize there's only two more years until they've reached halfway to 50, and a quarter way to 100.
But we both know we're rebels and don't follow the stereotypical timeline of "life" cause that's badass =P

Anyway, my point is, "its not how you live your life - it's how you enjoy it."

Have a splendid birth-anniversary!

He is Beautiful

He is beautiful,
In daylight and when darkness awakens.

He leaves me breathless
Every time he beckons.

I don't understand why
It has progressed so fast.
He's changed my mind.
My feelings growing vast.

I rush to my slumber to speed up time,
So I no longer have to count down till I can hold what's mine.

What is this illness?
No ailment explained.
Symptoms of ecstasy,
Misplaced consciousness,
My heart to blame.

He is like candy,
of the venomous array.
He spreads inside me,
constricting my veins.
One mere incident,
was all it took.

To fall in love, by the book.

Toleration

Sky blue,
A blue drenched in warm sunlight,
Soaked in ocean green.
I can't look away;
I can't get you out of sight.

I'm stumped as to how we met.
I'm confused as to what to do.
I'm fighting my habit;
I'm fighting my need to be with you.

I smile my stupid smile when you're around,
I grin my blush-engulfed grin.
I starve for your lips while they are on mine;
I hunger for kiss after kiss.
The more he touches me,
the more I miss.
The more I want all of him:
His arms, his hold, his kiss.

I have been poisoned

With this addictive intoxicated bliss!
I'm still fighting it,
And there's not a bone in me that can tolerate it
Anymore.

Say it.

Call me stupid for loving wholeheartedly, be my guest, rip into me.
But don't dare to judge me unless you know me.
Don't dare to analyze me,
Unless you dare to peel away the skin.

Peel the layers one by one,
Push the right buttons,
This may not be fun.
I exude acidic venom of defeat,
It is not neat,
It is not pleasurable in any way.

Stop and Re-think, before you Repeat, a Regretful experience.

You rinse, dry, and use, and use...
allover
Reuse, reuse, reduce.

You use, dispose, buy and buy...
another.
Misuse, misuse, abuse.

You wonder what's the point of it all.
Why attempt another brutal climb,
After a fall, fall, fall.

Endless consumption

To fear is to be consumed.
Consumed by doubt.
Consumed by probability.
Consumed by the inability.
to proceed with the unfamiliarity
of obstacles that promote,
self-growth.

Belittling beings

I am losing myself in this insanity,

This self-afflicted solidarity.

Nipping off people with an absence of depth

Like infected taste buds.

The blood, the blood!

She surrounds,

I am left

Dumbfounded

By your miniature perception to life.
Humans are pathetic, lost in meaningless lives,
For slender battles, with unfulfilling ways
as their reason.
Their reason for fate, and life.
Their cause is but to perish into replenishing those more worthy.

Insanity

Strum your strings oh instrument of music,
Go on, toot your horn.
Sing your song, sweet nightingale.

Today, a new lover is born.

Write your words oh instrument of virtue,
Go on, share your merit.
Preach your wisdom, oh divine oracle.

Tonight, a new lover is dead.

Portray your emotion oh instrument of sorrow,
Go on, weep to the world.
Shower your tears, poor widow of love.

Dear lover, who's lost her head.

A Synonym to 'Perhaps'

Deminish the Darkness
Thread into the Light
Fight the wrong
Justify the right

For what is lost
You hope will be found
For those that are blind,
By despair be bound

Will it be you?
Will it be me?
Will it be them?
Perhaps all of the above, perhaps it's we?

Is it him?
Is it she?
Is there a child?
Is it all three?

Shall it be her?
Shall it be he?
The questions they ask, with one consistent response, "maybe."

(Based off a friend's poem. Original may be found here:  https://www.facebook.com/notes/adam-rae/maybe/338919754963 )

Around and Around we Go

"Lets twirl," she said.

They spun with smiles brighter than summer days,

with smiles resembling flowers in May.

Blooming and shooting through nooks and cranny's.

Illuminating all that touches their eyes.

They spun, they spun.

Underneath the afternoon sun.

They twirled until the world kept spinning,

and they were on their knees.

They pleaded, they pleaded.

For more movement, and warm sun.

They begged the sun to spin along.

Arise, now asleep.

Good night, they weep.

Their dizzy spells have come to an end.

Good night they whimpered, into dented pillows.

They yawn and rest their heads.
"To bed, to bed," she said.

Photograph derived from: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9hantzjY71rf0ueio1_500.jpg

A Siren's Lullaby

Your call dost beseech my stay,

It dost me blind.

In clamant searching of sight,

I'm lost.

Despite this telescopic lens of mine.

My dreams are frequented by lullabies,

Frequented by nectarous wails.

The songs of pain and sorrowful woes.

The wails of feverish stains.

Upon which thy leave no soulful men,

Upon which thy leave no comfort.

What I doth not see, from the watcher's eye

Is an unintended fate,

Your birth right to nurture endless doom,

To all these loving eyes.

Overtime

I run and hide, 
She ran and hid.

I've lost myself,
She's lost herself.

It's all but gone,
She's all but gone.

I can't move on,
She's stuck in place.

I've lost myself,
She's fallen from grace.

I'm running.
She's hiding.

I'm searching,
She's lost.

I'm losing her.
She's gone.

I'm stuck here alone,
She is no more.

The contents of Summer 2012...so far

• Concert virginity is lost
• Broken Hearted
• Healed Heart
• Broken home-life
• Placement achieved
• Met new people (Yay! fighting my introversion)
• Made-out with stranger x_X
• Went dancing multiple, multiple times
• Got drunk multiple times
• First rave
• First beach rave
• Crunk for 2 days in a row
• Got my first placement
• Got my first 3 As in College
• Boosted GPA *dances*
• Managed 50+ hour work week
• Made amends with the past
• Rekindled relationship with sister
• Lost self-esteem
• Gained Self-esteem
• Met someone special <3 font="font">
• Fell in love again

The end.

Running on Empty

What do you do, when your soul's running on empty.
What do you say, when there's no one to hear you scream.
How do you wake up each morning, when there's nothing to look forward to each day.
How to you stop these tears from running, when all you feel is pain.

Where do you run to, when you have no where to go.
What do you reach for, when you're stuck on your knees.
How do you ask for help, when no one can look past your smile.
How do you get this to end? 

Why does it bother me?

I write to get my thoughts out of my head.
It probably has horrible grammar, and sentence structure.
It probably doesn't make sense to anyone else.
But these are my thoughts that want to get out for me to reread and see in front of me.


So, why does it bother me when people I associate with laugh at the mention of blogs, or diaries, or books that store blurbs, whatever you may like to call it.


On a side note, why am I so friggin' awkward.
I am an awkward person and I am a lonely awkward person.
I have friends, acquaintances, and I think I have figured people out, but I do not have emotional connections with any of these people. I cannot ramble about my being inside and out.
I cannot do the simplistic without getting weird looks.
I am twenty-two years old, and I am still a broke student figuring shit out, while my nineteen year old sister works a full-time job at a kiosk that get's showered with everything she desires by my parents.
Given I have friends, she has acquaintances. I am single, she is still dating someone who's cheated on her 8 times. She gets the car, and I get to use public transit and pay for my own schooling...
Envy...yeah that's what I feel. Envy because she gets to get away with it and I don't. It aggravates me.


Anyway...that's all for my mind puke today... back to organizing my notes.

'Till the day I drop dead

'Till the day I drop dead,
I will not leave pages vacant and unfed.


Distractions will obscure the vision in my head,
Enemies will find time to disrupt,
But 'till the day I do drop dead-
This river will not dry, the pages will not starve.
At least for peace of my own mind, my story will be recorded
and hopefully read.

Lets talk!

Lets talk.

Well more like let my fingers do the talking while your eyes do the reading, and perhaps if persuaded enough by curiosity or your desire to share, you will be speaking in response, with your fingers.

During my absence in this virtual world of thought-sharing, I have come to realize that my occupancy in the whole process of living is distracting myself from the process of recording findings and recording such findings for future or past recollection or reference. After all, one of the affordable ways you can monitor growth and change is through recording events and experience is it not? I find myself doing this less and less, especially with photographs. I've completely cut down on photograph taking in comparison to my last few years, especially in the summertime. 

So a lot has taken place.
I've gone on a few dates, I've met a few great people, and I've regretted meeting some people, then found reason in meeting those people. Haha. I'm still understanding and developing myself. I've realized I'm severely attracted to girls. Big woe.

I have also began to understand the reasons for occurrences far more rapidly.

I'm passionate, I am motivated, I am ecstatic.

I find myself controlling my mentality more. Frequent-idle thoughts can sometimes distract and destroy oneself and it used to be my main enemy. Paranoid thoughts.

I'm just glad I am where I am, and I'm hoping this balance will continue.

I've also found myself searching for peaceful endings.

Peaceful endings as in to friendships, and relationships from the past.

I've retraced my footsteps and attempted to make peace with a lot of these individuals. I still have a few on my mental list... my bestie thinks I'm losing my mind. I think I'm losing my mind for giving a crap... I don't know though, I really don't know. Perhaps I'm trying to clear my conscience? Or my intuition is trying to let me know it's the end of the line for me and I'm dying...

Yes, my brain ALWAYS thinks of crazy sh*t. Sober.

Oh well!

Woe.

I am angry, tired...correction, exhausted.
Why can't things be simple, life's short enough as it is.
Why make it more time consuming, more wastage of tears, sweat and blood.
Why aren't things the way they're supposed to be?
How could he do this to me all over again?
How can he treat it like it doesn't matter again?
Why?
Why?
Woe.

Now what?

Sometimes things happen for the sake of happening.

Most of the time, one wouldn't think of these occurrences as events with reason
Did I put reasoning into my thought today?
A week ago?
How about last November, when I made amends with an ex lover and best friend.
What now?
Is there meaning in everything and everyone or is there nothing but what we see because of what we are searching for in the presence of that moment of that emotional string
The string that strums a different melody each time to suit the mood
The mood that changes as the weather does from night to day.
What now?
I know as much as someone five years in the future and I'm still questioning the same person
The person that knows as much as I do for guidance on optimism.
It's not in my nature, believe me it's not.
For I would have taken this in strides and not in litre of tears.
Tears I have cried, wiped, saved, and shared.
Now what?

The End, the continuation, The end part II

Wake up.

Shower.

Slather on the face paint.

White, black, jeans, or tights? 

What should I wear tonight?

Boil the water, pour my tea.

Step outside, to look and see

Blue?

Gray?

What's the colour of the sky today?

"Hello, Hope you have a great day!"

Share pleasantries with strangers as I walk away.

Yet the meaning of it all did not pass my way,
Until I found myself in front of you once again.


And then it all began,
Falling and scrapping back onto my knees,
Happiness, tenderness, now I'm begging you please...
Don't do this to me again.